Why do abusive men want their girlfriend to feel unfeminine and dehumanized when they are very feminine and full of life?

Answer 1

Abusive men only want you to look attractive to them and don't want you to attract other men. A confident man can have a beautiful mate and admire her for the way she attracts other men with the attitude that she is his and he's proud to have her. An abusive man in actually frightened and weak, and although they may physically abuse a woman, they are too spineless to fight another man over her. So, he would rather have his wife turn into a sloppy mess, unattractive, then criticize her for the way she looks. This woman can never win. If this woman is you, then I suggest you get away from him the first chance you can get. If you don't, he'll just steal your identity away from you and any hope of you having a normal and loving lifestyle with someone you so deserve. You can do it! Good luck Marcy Hi Marcy: I have left you a previous post here and much appreciated your advice. Me and this loser are spilt up and I avoid him like the plague. I still wonder why though and have been reading some self help books to answer questions. But my biggest one is why would they want a person to feel reduced done to nothing. I notice this loser acted like he wanted me out of his life then now Im gone hes coming around like a bad parasite. I am alot stronger though and dont feel the need to be with him anymore. Slowly I am working on my self esteem and I notice my zest for life has returned alot! I am out enjoying myself for the most part. I find it hard to not just rush and find another man but I am now carefull as I know at this stage I would just attract another abuser. So I am staying strong and moving on..but these types sure leave a bad taste in your mouth and I guess it takes longer than expected to get over the feeling that in some way I was not good enough or somehow defective to have been treated like such dirt. I allowed it as well. Thanks again. Hi there It's great to hear from you again and I'm so, so proud of you! You've got a lot of Kickapoo juice running through your veins girl! I was in an abusive relationship with my first husband. When we're young we are infatuated with love and often miss the signs of an abusive character. It's just the way things are. We live and learn. You did nothing wrong and neither did I. If we didn't have some discomfort in our lives then we'd never learn a thing and this way, you'll find one fantastic guy. I did! My husband is gentle, kind, spoils me, respects me and we've been married 34 years. I highly respect him as well. Oh yes, we do have our arguments (some humdingers) but, we make up always and talk it out. If I hadn't had the guts to leave my abuser I would be stuck with several kids and have a more difficult time leaving the abusive situation. You are a very strong person, and you're doing all the right things. Believe it or not he does love you, but he fears you! Yes, abusive men actually fear the woman. Sounds crazy I know. They fear she will get the upper hand over him (he could have been bullied by his mother or told things to him by his mother that girls were out for one thing and would take him for a ride) and I've heard that phrase often in my years. It's poison to the poor kid and so, when he starts to date he has no idea of how to treat a woman and his mentor is his mother. This is not always the case, but it sure is a big part of it. If an abuser grows up in an abusive family they see daddy hitting mommy and if mommy doesn't leave and puts up with it the son will take on the traits of the father thinking this is the way all men treat women. The abusive son has little empathy for the mother. Abusers fear that some other guy will steal their "woman" (who is like chattel to them) and an abuser is basically fearful of confronting someone of his own strength or stronger so he's not apt to fight to win you back. Abusers pick on the weak. That always rests heavy on an abusers mind. So, if he takes your identity away, makes you feel unattractive and that you are nothing without him around, he feels safe. That about all there is to these types of men. Abusers really are to be pitied. I have confronted a few since I volunteered at the Women's Center. I have helped girlfriends get away from abusive husbands or boyfriends and had to face the abuser. I stand my ground and since they don't know just how far they can push me around they never dare to tackle me. It's not that I'm this strong and fantastic woman, I'm just conning the con. LOL I'm petite and 5'6" tall and 130 lbs. Tick me off and I'm like wounded grizzly! It's amazing how much strength one tiny woman can have when her adrenalin is pumping on high. You could bottle mine! LOL The first time my ex hit me I was stunned (so was he) and I knew I was in trouble and the abuse was not going to stop. I picked up a Teflon frying pan and nailed that sucker right over the head! I am sure he was seeing stars and when he tried to get up I told him not too because he'd get it again. Before this I was a giving, loving and shy person, but everyone has their breaking point. I wouldn't suggest all women go out, buy a Teflon frying pan and nail their abusers, but I told you so you'll know that yes, women can fight back, but the correct way is to take self-defence programs in your area. They didn't have anything like this where I was and it was back in the 60's when it was all peace and love! LOL Keep going hon, and I truly wish you the best of luck. You won't need it though, because you're one strong lady. I am so glad you aren't jumping into another relationship right away. There are so many great things to do and see and there is no reason you can't just date for a year or so. Go for it girl! Marcy