Why do men look at other womeneven when they are with another woman?

Answer 1

I guess it IS about being secure in your relationship. But how can you be when the man you love goes seeking pictures of other, younger, prettier, skinner women? I mean, I don't look for pictures of men! I am so sensitive about this, my boyfriend is much younger than me and in amazing shape. He is so handsome that I have no idea why he is with me. I am nine years older, out of shape and only somewhat attractive. I feel that I can never measure up to what he desires and deserves in a mate. So many people Say its what on the inside that matters, but we all know that is not all that matters.

Haven't you looked at a good looking man even though you have said you have loved your boyfriend/husband? Certainly you have.

Both sexes like to window shop, but it doesn't mean they are out of love with you. I've been married for a long while and my husband looks at a pretty woman, and I will look at a handsome man. No big deal. I am secure in the fact it's OK to look, but not touch. I will often tell my husband I think a certain girl is beautiful or cute. I am secure in myself and smart enough to know even though one is pretty themselves there is always another gal around the corner prettier than you. It isn't just about beauty, but what's inside that person.

You know if you can trust your boyfriend or husband, so don't worry about it. It's natural for both sexes to admire the opposite sex. If you feel threatened do you have good reason or are you insecure?

Being secure is a good thing while your man is looking at other women. I think it's normal to look at a good looking person from time to time. I do however, feel that it is not normal to stare and voice opinions everytime a nice looking person is in sight. That gets old and can be annoying. There are many nice looking people that may pass by but why do you have to stop and stare and voice an opinion? I mean who cares? Personally, I have other things to tend to rather than worry about every pretty person that comes into view. To me beauty is within and I've learned that over the years. I can't be bothered with taking time to evaulate pretty looks every minute. I guess if someone is just breathtakingly beautiful, you would stop and look and comment. Enough of that though, it's really silly. Aren't you women bombarded enough with all the madeup beauties that appear on TV and in the movies? I mean you rarely see a handsome man worth remembering but every two minutes there is a good looking woman. You sit there with the man you love watching a move (probably casting done by a man) with beautiful women all over the place and a so so leading man. What gives? We crave Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Orlando Bloom, etc. just to have one little chance to see someone half way decent, while beautiful women are cast constantly. Of course women feel insecure. How can they not? Every magazine at a check out line in the grocery store has a skinny beauty in a bikini. It's not like you get to check out gorgeous buffed men in briefs. No, you get to stand at the check out while your man checks out the beauties on the covers and then go home to commercials and movies with more beauties. If only we could reverse it! I'd have gorgeous super men all over the cover of every single magazine, in every single tv commercial and in every movie. I think the problem of being insecure would turn to men. Then we could say oh honey, you know I really love you, I'm just looking, don't be insecure. Beleive me, men would be more insecure than women!

Please please please...the last person that answered just before me can you get in touch maybe by improving my answer? I agree with you so much and I hope I could just have a day where men would be bombarded with images of other (more good-looking men), half-naked or even naked, only to see men's reactions. They would be so annoyed and distressed. I want to do something about it. I mean...they banned smoking recently (UK) from public places, so I suppose they could ban all these images as well. It is a health issue: it causes unneccessary stress to women and it is sexist.

The person above who wrote about... "men would be more insecure than women!" I would love to talk to them. I hope they are still a member and can contact me somehow. I had the same discussion with my boyfriend and he denies it completely. But... there is a new show called "True Blood" where the women are average and the men are hot. I have said nothing and he flips out and complains constantly about why do they have to show the men. ONE LOUSY SHOW and he freaks out. SO that is the TRUTH. MEN WOULD LOSE THEIR MINDS IF THEY HAD TO PUT UP WITH THEIR OWN BS FROM WOMEN.

First off, it's important to note the evolutionary situation here. Is most regards, evolutionarily, there is little difference between men and women. However, one of the few areas of huge difference is in relationships and the natural response to them. Remember the goal of the 'game' of evolution is to make your DNA more common. A guy, having to do little work to raise a kid, would be more likely to pass on his DNA if he slept with as many different people as possible, but unlike a woman, he can't be sure a kid is his (after all, it's pretty obvious if it comes out of you). A woman, on the other hand, to pass on her DNA could only produce so many children at a time. Thus she is more likely to pass on her DNA if she does her best to make her children survive, and the larger the support group and the higher the quality of the potential mate, the higher chances of it happening. Rebuttal I struggle to understand the connection behind your tangential argument, sir. The idea that men can not be sure a kid belongs to them hardly provides an understanding nor a supporting argument for why men still need to look at other woman despite their self-confessed loyalty. This has resulted in a difference in general instinct. To summarize:

• Men's instinct is to breed with as many women as possible, and make sure they're having his kids.Rebuttal: Please provide the source of your findings - and one dated in a more recent date than the 1960's, If this is true, the fact that as many women as men are found to have multiple partners in Australia in 2004, would certainly weaken your argument. Perhaps this is simply my interpretation, or perhaps it may be modernization of the human race?

• Women's instinct is to restrain, control, and be ridiculously picky about men.

Now, humans can override their instincts, so I'm not saying every guy & girl thinks exactly like this all the time, but it is what the natural inclination is. It should be noted at this time that being 'a couple' or a marriage is a situation which usually fully satisfies a woman's instincts, but leaves the average man's high and dry.

• The reason why a guy looks at other women: They're struggling with their instincts, and 'just looking' is a small solace in an otherwise very controlling situation.Rebuttal That idea that the instinct to breed still applies is played out. We've moved out of the caves, bathed, drive cars and have cell phones now. There is this whole thing called society. If you want to run around in your loin cloth and grunt like a caveman and "spread your seed" then you have every excuse to do so. You want to get onto your computer and play WOW... then all bets are off. Counter-Rebuttal However, just because we've socialized doesn't necessarily remove the DNA hardcoded into us. Instincts are hardwired into people, and a veneer of culture over it doesn't change the fact that it still lies beneath the surface. Humans may be very smart, advanced, and adaptable animals, but in the end, we're still animals.

Keeping your guy

In typical modern culture, if you're a girl steady with a guy and you see him looking at other girls, remember that unlike you, who's getting everything you want (and in most relationships, the guy pays more than the girl, usually ending up costing more than a couple major bills at least), the guy is fighting his own instincts to remain with you. In otherwords, in the average relationship, the girl is 'take, take, take', and the man is 'give, give, give'. Add on top of this that the guy usually has to wait before sex for a long time, which stresses the instincts even further. This is also why a lot of guys leave girls after they've had sex. Their sexdrive sated for the time being, that desire loses top priority, and for a time they look at the realtionship as a whole. In general, most girls are pretty tough on the guys they're dating. Dating costs the guy lots of money, the back & forth tactics a lot of girls use cause stress on the guy, often a guy will end up doing things the girl likes more (example: going to 'chick flicks'), not to mention fighting the instincts. Rebuttal Maybe I'm different but I have more sex drive than most of the men I've dated. They talk a big game but when it comes down to it they wear out fast.

As it is, women being, on average, the more social-oriented creature than guys, social conventions have progressed that they favor the woman wildly over the man. (A different topic entirely, girls generally pursue social power over other types, while guys generally pursue personal power over other types. As a result, the average girl just looks better than the average guy, but the average guy will more skills than the average girl, its a matter of priorities.) Rebuttal Men are just raised differently. Even in this society males are prized over the females, babied from day one creating a lot of "mammas boys" with a horrible maturity level. Men are taught the double standard go get laid "that makes you a man." Women, "don't have sex that makes you a slut." I have heard a lot of guys that are "players", as soon as they have a daughter, talk about locking her up till she is 40 and polishing their guns if any boys come around. Why is that? Because they don't want their little girl to get tarnished, but they have no problem "tarnishing" women left and right. Another double standard. These things are taught, not instinct.

This is not the 50s. Women are working, paying half the bills (sometimes more depending on who has a higher salary). Oh and men still get paid more than women for the same job. So to the answer about "guy pays more than the girl" and about that stress, is out and out bull.

Most of these will seem like they're all work for the girl, or the girl making concessions, and it's true. Since the average relation greatly favors the girl and most girls take it for granted, the girls have to play some serious catch-up to keep the guy as satisfied with the relationship as they are over the long run. Some various solutions are as follows:

1. Luck. Just hope the guy is socially indoctrinated enough to where he will stick with you regardless. This is the most often taken route, and the least reliable. The only reason girls still rely on it is the fact that it usually just 'seems' it works to do what they want, and then don't make any connection when the guy leaves them later. (Many girls have a "Well, if I'm happy, he's happy, right?" This is almost never the case. This option, though often chosen, is usually a bad idea.)Rebuttal: Luck. Maybe it is the only reason. Maybe he is actually a good person and understands what it feels like to be made to feel insecure. Maybe he treats others as he wishes to be treated. You know silly stuff like that. Thinking on a higher level, he doesn't oggle women and be rude by staring. That is the luck that I would hope for. Let the tables be turned and have a woman stare at a man and watch a her man lose all control and turn into a rabid dog. Counter-Rebuttal: Although watching a man go rabid with jealousy may be an amusing pastime for some, it usually doesn't endear you to the guy in the long run.

2. Don't. Commitment is a lot rougher on a lot of guys than girls. This is the best option if you're just in it for the romance and the sex, the guy is more likely to keep coming back if there's no pressure. If you let him know he can date around, just as long as you get attention when you want it, you're pretty likely to keep getting it.

   1. Passive: Tell him, "I don't care who you do on the side, as long as it doesn't get between us, and I don't have to know about it". This works for those who get overly angsty about other girls but are willing to let the guy sate their needs, as 'out of site, out of mind' works for many. Don't assume this one, though, tell him straight out. As a result, you'll save him a lot of guilt, and earn yourself brownie points with him for being so understanding. Rebuttal Don't Commitment, "rougher on a lot of guys" I hate to mention to all those sex starved men out there. Feel free not to commit but don't forget STDs, the little ones that go away, the ones as Eddie Murphy calls "luggage" like Herpes and the killers like AIDS and whatever comes next in line. Oh, and condoms don't prevent pregnancy 100% so a tiny virus 100th the size of sperm will never get through ...right? Get real. You want to talk about pressure in a relationship try giving your girl/girls a death sentence. Really a BAD idea.

   2. Active: If you're bi or bi-curious at all, require that any other girl he wants he has to bring in and share with you (this will be a major turn-on for a lot of guys, as a note, and lets you keep an eye that he doesn't get too interested in the other girls, plus the extra tricks you pick up will keep him more interested in you.) Rebuttal "Active/bi curious" I loved this one the most. Yes, I'm sure there are many girls that are and there are many girls that would want a threesome, (two men that is). See how that flies in an open relationship. Watch the man's member shrink at the thought of competition. But after all fair is fair and a threesome is a threesome. Another DUMB idea. Bringing anyone else into the relationship will destroy the relationship. There are untapped insecurities and jealousies that will blow your mind. Go ahead try it and find out for yourself. I don't need to mention the disease thing again do I?Counter-Rebuttal: Note that the solution is for if YOU are bi-curious, not if he is. If you're bi-curious and he's not, bringing in another guy in is a BAD idea. However, if HE is bi-curious and you're straight, bringing in another guy probably is a good idea (and would fall under the 'keeping things creative' category). Further, in agreement with the person rebutting, STDs are bad. Make sure any partners are clean before bringing them in.

   3. Inbetween: Allow your guy to do who they want on the side, as long as they get approval first or keep you filled in. (As a trick of the trade, generally, you can keep the relationship physically healthier and focused on you by requiring he get any girl he does on the side checked for STDs first, and if he fails, then requiring no sex till he gets tested. This will make him slow down about 'outside girls' as it can make fooling around a bit trickier, but a lot of guys will realize you're keeping them, and you, healthy.) However, a number of guys may react to this being 'just talk'. You'll have to show him you're serious. One way of doing this is by setting him up for some sex with someone else, but handing him the test results first, and sternly telling him you want test results on any girl he does.

3. Let a guy be busy in his 'off' time. This is best if you want everything out of a typical relationship without having to do extra work, but want the guy to stay with you. You can take either an active, passive, or in between role here, whichever fits your desires better.

4. Make sure you keep him satisfied on all levels. This one requires, by far, the most work. However, it also fits best into the traditional view of relationships in society if that's important to you. The goal is, if there's a moment when a guy has absolutely no sex drive (which usually happens shortly after sex) he has to still be able to look at your relationship and count himself lucky. Things which would help him think this are as follows (I suggest, at absolute bare minimum, doing two of them):

   • If you're already to the point in your relationship of having sex, have it all the time. The less you have sex, the more he's going to build up sex drive when you're not around, meaning he's more likely to release that drive on someone else. Remember, any time you say 'no', there's a chance he'll find someone else to say 'yes'. Pre-empt him, keep his horomones sedated.

   • Obsess over his interests. Although asking about his interests is okay, getting into them (especially on your own time, so you can contribute back) is significantly better. Not only does this keep you mentally interesting to him, but it gives an excuse for you two to spend more time together. If he's into cars, try to build your own (or modify your existing one). If he's a computer gamer, pick up a couple 'hardcore' games (like 'unreal', 'command & conquor' or 'World of Warcraft') and start challenging him when you get good (but not too good. If you get better than him, tone it down to keep it a challenge). If he's into sports, pick up Cheerleading or get involved with the sport yourself, maybe go jogging regularly with him, or something of the ilk. etc. etc. Rebuttal "Obsess over his interests. Yes, we are back in the 50s again. Yes girls, be fake, feign interest in all things of your man, fake your way through life to keep him and all will be great. PULEEEEZE!

     • Counter-rebuttal Make a point that the share interest, however, isn't feigned. Don't pretend. If the can't actually develop the interest, try a different one. Many girls walk away from relationships years later, without the guy, but having found some new hobbies they really enjoy, ones that both let them enjoy time more, as well as providing decent conversation topics for various purposes.

   • Be creative. Many guys fear a drab ordinary life. Keep things, both in and out of bed, interesting.

   • Cut him some financial slack. Be honest withourself, dating costs the guy a LOT of money. However, a guy paying for the girl has become a romantic point, and always paying for your own half can cut down on the romance. Two alternatives are that you let him pay for everything one time, then you pay for everything the next, and so on. Another (and easier to keep track of if either of you are forgetful) is each person always pays for the other person. He buys you dinner, but you also buy him dinner. Also, when you begin picking up half the tab, you'll begin to realize how much is being spent, which will help keep costs from getting ridiculous. (Many girls have no clue how much a guy is spending on them till they do this.)

   • 'Typical wife stuff'. Traditionally, women would take care of the kids, do the housework, make the meals, etc. Although many modern women balk at being the 'traditonal wife', there was a purpose behind it, and it was as a way to keep the guy feeling lucky to have them. If being more traditional is your thing, this may be the way to go.

(Of the couples I know who have been more open to me about most of the details of their personal lives, the ones that have lasted happily for decades with no sign of slowing down, the girl was doing at least four of the five (and possibly the other as well, but I didn't ask.)

Anyway, there's the answer for why men look at other women, and what you can do about it.

There are many fish in the sea. If your man is hurting your feelings by "looking" tell him about it. If he loves you he will curb it to a reasonable minimum. If he doesn't dump him and find someone better. Eventually if bad behavior is no longer rewarded but punished it will stop.

• Men's instinct is to breed with as many women as possible, and make sure they're having his kids.
• Women's instinct is to restrain, control, and be ridiculously picky about men.

Oh, so now now men are "breeding" and we are "ridiculous"?

As far as I can see it, in the last 100 years, men have RUN from the idea of having offspring. Look at the social situation even now, how many women are saddled with children and the father has run the other way?

I find your answer wordy and "ridiculous", the fact is, SOME men have a problem with reality and decide to live in fantasy. Viewing scant women lends toward this fantasy life so they succumb to it.

If we go by your "DNA" theory, then we must, at the same time believe these same men are therefore securing the future of said children..? Statistics show that men are not, they are following success and careers, not the health and welfare of their offspring.

Please don't discuss me with such shallow excuses.

The fact is women have fallen into a chauvinistic scam, women that wanted liberation find themselves catering to the fantasy of the very men they abhor! What a terrible mess!They do this for validation and yet at the same time reach the depths of self deterioration.

I agree, give the men a dose of the same! Most men claim that handsome scantly clad men are homosexual! I just bowl over laughing! They are completely intimidated by a man revealing his exquisite body to his wife/girlfriend/SO. LOL

Hello...finally thoughts from years ago I now see in print..........

Thank you, whoever you are, for vindication....yes, in our age of "everything is free" please let us = women check out at the grocery store and see overt images of scantily clad young men with muscles prime and ready...and, should we have a man, let him shiver at our side in case we should think of"him" when the lights are low...and, while at "the movies" (which I no longer partake) how about a young hot guy remove his loin cloth so we can enjpy? yummy......it is 2009 god-forbid...if a girl can be naked...ummm, and duuuuuuhhhhhh where's the guy?

My question to this forum is...no matter how attractive a woman is, he always looks elsewhere.........so, could someone please tell me why? (I just do not buy into your genetic predisposition, and innate animal theories...sorry...)

*Why do men always look at other women even when they say they are in love with you? Because they do love you. It's not all about looks- physical attraction is only one of the things that pulls people to each other. Looks are nice for a passing glance and maybe a bit of admiration. Wow he or she looks great. It can be nice to look at a good-looking person but that doesn't mean that you lose the love you have for your partner. It also does not mean that seeing another person who is beautiful makes a man want to throw the whole life he has built with you away It's easy to go off on that slippery road of "she's better than I am, my guy must wish I looked like her, I'm so ugly." When we start that negative self-talk we have to remember that unless our partners have actually said that to us, those are OUR thoughts and it is not fair to torture ourselves into thinking that our partners are actually thinking that. It's also not really fair. Talk to your partner about how you feel and how his looking at other women affects you and your image of yourself. It is not respectful for a man to stare and drool at other women who pass by but it is also not possible for him to walk and only stare straight ahead scared that if he looks around you'll be on his case for the next hour. Would you look forward to spending time with someone like that? Bottom line we have to live in this world and there are other people around, some prettier than us. And btw what is beauty anyway? It's something different for everyone. Love is more a feeling and a sense of a person, their looks, their personality, the funny little things they do and the way they make you feel loved and special yourself. What you miss when they're away. This applies to men and women alike. When you love someone they look more attractive to you (you're the most beautiful woman in the room). Ever heard the expression love is blind? It's a common expression for a reason. I'm sure most of us are much harder on ourselves than our partners are. I don't know about you, but I don't like seeing someone I love put themselves down. Most of the men I've spoken with feel at a loss about how to respond when the women they love compare and berate themselves based on a model they see a picture of in a magazine. Women, we are overlooking so many things about ourselves when we feel that physical beauty is the only thing that counts. And many men really are decent guys

Answer 2

simple we love women. but it also has a lot to do with the society we grow up in. Sex is SOLD big time in the US. I can still remember getting my 1st Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue with, that was the begining of looking for me.

i have been married for 12 years now and still look. but in no way does this looking lead to anything other than admiration for the beautiful female body.

if you are a women you must admit that a naked picture of a woman is easier on the eyes than that of a man.

AnswerBecause men are voyeurs... When a really nice car or a really hot motorcycle goes by, men look. When there's a twisted wreck on the side of the road and police and firefighters everywhere, men look. When an attractive girl with a plunging neckline bends over in front of a man, he's going to look to see what he can see. It's just the way we are.

Women are just overly sensitive about men looking at women because of their own insecurities.

Answernot exactly sure why men do this but my husband of 11yrs still does it. When we are together, he'll look at other girls. When I ask him why, he says, "I don't know, she was good looking. I'm married not dead! Dont worry though cuz it is you that I still come home to and I'm not interested in her, she was just nice to look at!" Dont know if that will answer you're question but it gives you a mans point of view. Sounds like crap to me but think about it, when you are with your man, havent you ever looked at another guy? As long as your man is just looking and not drooling or giving out his number or talking to her...