Why is it in your human nature to talk bad about someone?

Answer 1

Why people talk bad about meI've wondered the same thing, and couldn't figure out why. But I've found an answer that has given me some peace, and helped me to prevent talking bad about others.

Here's what I found: There are three general motives behind people talking bad about another person. 1. They're talking with someone to solve a problem they're having with the individual, but lack the skill to do it in a kind way. 2. They want to discredit the other person, or cause harm to the other person. Their motive is to hurt, or they feel they must defend themselves from hurt, so they hurt first. 3. They want to be accepted, so they find common humor, evil, etc. to talk about to make themselves feel better.

The first group: They talk about the problem, may go into detail, may exagerate a little, but their motive is mainly to get an idea of how to solve the problem, and not to hurt the other person. They may talk innapropriately, or in a way that may leave a negative light on the person they're talking about, but its not hateful.

The second group: People who talk bad about another person to cause harm: They seem to feel like you have some major impact in their life, and they are scared of you. For example, a friend who feels like her life is determined by how much boys like her will often bad mouth another girl who the boys like more than her - or that she thinks they like more than her. She does this because she feels like she must manipulate the people around her to stay safe. If she took responsibility for her own actions, and her own ability to change, to act, she wouldn't feel so threatened by other people. So usually, people who talk maliciously are really very terrified people. They feel they must manipulate the people around them to be safe. They don't start by changing their own actions and choosing how they feel, they let life around them tell them who they are. Its a very threatened place to live.

Third group:

They people are a combination of the two catagories above. They talk about others because they have nothing better to do. They just talk without considering the people or friendships that will be damaged, its just entertainment.

Bottom line, I found that the more someone is trying to harm and manipulate, usually the more sensitive and insecure that person is on the inside, so much so that they feel the need to control everyone around them to keep their lives stable.

When I find myself talking about someone, I ask myself - if this person were listening to me talk, would I feel honest and respectful of that person, even if what I'm saying is negative? That's my check.

Good luck.

Answer 2

We all do it. The maxim 'if you have nothing good to say about anyone, say nothing' is easy said & difficult to maintain for some of us. To put someone else down seems to elevate us in our own estimation, but in reality it does no one any good. I think the bit about 'Human Nature' in the question says it all.... sadly it shouldn't, but somehow it does. Depeche Mode had a song in the eighties: 'People are people so why should it be, you I should get along so awfully.... I don't understand what makes a man hate another man, help me understand...' On these pages the desire not to deprecate the ideas & opinions of others is sometimes more than some can avoid, it's not something which we should do, but I'm thinking few indeed can avoid it at some time or another, and those with the diplomacy to avoid controversy in all events, however controversial & emotive are blessed indeed ! At one level there is disagreement but the descent to personal abuse & 'slagging off' the opinions of others is not where we should go, but we all go there occaisionally (Yes, dear reader, even saintly persons such as my goodself ! lol) but we should not. Why? because we think, wrongly, that it improves our standing, when in fact it does exactly the reverse in the view of the dispassionate. Objectivity is all. But, as I suggest, it's easier said than done. GL to you.

Another View:

You can not talk bad about someone if you have no one there to listen. I most probably do not need to tell you that if you do talk bad about someone, there is usually many people who are willing to listen. This willful exchange of sharing unflattering stories about someone else is known as gossip. There are many theories as to why we gossip, from the mundane to the fantastic, that try to explain why it is in human nature to tear others down. Perhaps it is because we have nothing better to do. Perhaps it is our own political nature, undisciplined and untrained in the art of politics we flounder through situations relying upon gossip to diminish those whose we fear are a threat to our own prosperity and survival. Perhaps we gossip because it allows us to say to others what we would never dare say to the person we are belittling. Perhaps we gossip because in finding a common enemy we feel more united with our group. Maybe we gossip because it's fun.

It is in human nature to play games. We play at survival abiding by rules until those rules work against us. Once we are confronted with a no win situation we as humans tend to do one of two things. We either succumb or surrender to the situation and become the effect of what is happening or we stand strong and face the situation and act in a causative way that allows us to change the rules. There is human nature and there is the nature of other creatures. The feline nature of the Lion tells him that you or I are his prey. We do one of two things. Fight or flight. To stand and fight a lion seems like suicide, but to do so is to change the rules of the game. It is unlikely that you or I can outrun the lion and it is an uphill battle taking the lion head on, a no win situation. The only reasonable option is to kill the lion. To change the rules.

Gossip is a form of changing the rules. We gossip about people we don't really like. The rules of society demand a certain civility that doesn't really facilitate direct confrontation with people we don't like. Too messy. Too volatile. Indirect attacks, while more insidious in their nature, are far more socially acceptable than a direct hostile confrontation with someone. It is, of course, entirely possible that if you or I are inclined to confront that which we don't like directly we then become prime candidates for topics of discussion when others gossip. To directly confront your enemies is uncivilized, better to destroy them with deceptions and covert acts of hostility.

The problem with all of that is that we are treating someone else as our enemy and it is not entirely clear that it is in our nature to nurture and ensure we have our enemies. We develop enemies because of a breakdown in communication. We go to war because all other attempts at politics had failed. War is just an extension of failed politics and gossip is just an extension of covert wars. The better we become at politics the less need there is for us to engage in gossip and to be sure the better you or I get at politics the more likely we will suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous gossip. Gossip we must address directly and defiantly if we are to maintain our integrity. We are on a lower plane of existence when we fight, when we go to war and even when we gossip.

Past failures at direct confrontation with someone does not preclude future successes if the effort continues. It is easy to turn direct confrontation into confrontational behavior and even easier to bypass direct confront and go directly to self-righteous indignation. This is not really confronting the person you or I have a problem with. When we confront directly our feelings are irrelevant and what is important are the issues that created the problem to begin with. Who's to blame is irrelevant and all that matters is the issue gets resolved. No compromise is ever necessary when we confront directly with this attitude. There is no need to agree to disagree, we simply find those ways in which we can agree to agree. Once you or I have settled our differences with that person we once gossiped about, take note how quickly you or I will come to his or her defense when others begin to gossip about them. This is also in our nature.

Answer 3

they do that stuff to make other people mad and get fights started and they can sometimes do it because they may jealous of other people.but you know,my parents use to always tell me that people are going to talk about you all the time so all you got to do is ignore them.