Why do so many Abuse websites and talk shows that deal with abuse suggest that the victim get counseling when it is plain that this will just be another thing for the abuser to use against her?

Answer 1

If the victim hasn't left on her own, it's obvious that just telling her to leave won't make much sense. Most responsible advice tells the abuser and victim to go to counseling so that the problem can be accurately diagnosed and both parties will be able to slowly acknowledge the eventual outcome. Using that method results in far fewer problems in the long run. It may appear to be a clear problem to some people with an obvious answer, but other people need a little time to live with the problem and learn to deal with it and yes, even to have a chance to change their behavior. Because, while the abuser is in definite need of counseling, so is the victim of abuse. There are personality traits, learned behaviors and traumatic instances that an abuse victim may be able to alter given the right therapy. Juts the fact that your're worried that therapy is something that can be used against the victim rather than a tool to free her indicates a need for counseling.