Why do women not prefer 'nice' guys?

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Women like nice guys, but they aren't attracted to them. Nice guys often don't show the confidence or strength that women are attracted to.

Don't be quiet and timid. Around her or in public. Just ask her out. Don't pour your heart into it. Don't act like you care about rejection.

Don't be needy. Don't call her all the time. If you don't call, she'll call you anyway.

Don't be a pushover. Don't do everything she wants, even if you want to do it. Tell her it has to be at 8:00pm instead of 7:00pm or Friday instead of Saturday.

Don't give her money or gifts too often. Limit it to holidays, anniversaries, and about 6 random days during the year when she doesn't expect it.

Don't show your feelings too often even though half the questions on this wiki are about women complaining about that. They want you to show them, but they want to work for it.

Don't be clingy. You don't love her until you've dated her for at least a month or two. Don't act like it; don't say it.

To sum it up, don't be too nice or too attached until the relationship is well established. Don't listen to anyone who tells you differently. Especially women.

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I have been a nice guy always trying to be courteous to others and treat them kindly. I acted like that because i was shy, lacked confidence with girls that is with anything else i would just haphzardly jump into any crazy situation. In my relationship with girls i think i did come of as being to needy, I was so accepting to anything they did and was preaty laid back. I should of said something if i had a problem with the situation. You don't want to seem desperate. I have learned however you cant always be nice, the guy has to make the girl work to. In other words before you can be yourself you must first find the things that are seriously wrong with you and confront them head on. If your a nice guy dont be afraid to do something new, for example do something completely unexpected and crazy, people will be startled and amazed that they haven't noticed you before.

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I believe most women do, but they don't want a wimp that cries at everything and is a push over. Nice and a wimp are different things. Only women that are emotionally or mentally unstable chose guys that aren't nice.

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We love nice guys! The problem is that many men think they are 'nice guys' when in fact, they aren't -- or they are and have many OTHER issues! I once dated a guy who insisted that he had been dumped many times simply because he was a 'nice guy.' The truth is that he was a nice guy -- but he also didn't shower often enough, was too emotionally disconnected, and had horrendous manners! All the 'niceness' in the world couldn't fix some of his other flaws, and asking him to shower (as nicely as possible), offended him. If you are a guy who believes women don't YOU because you're a nice guy, then odds are, there are other issues. Using the old "nice guys finish last" line is often a cop-out and a way to avoid looking at what the real problem is. Is there an aspect of your personality that women have consistently complained about? Do you hear over and over that you don't talk enough, or you aren't social enough, or ... etc. Listen to the common complaint and focus on that instead of the Nice Guy thing. I'll bet that not one woman has said she wouldn't date you because you were too nice!

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sigh, I know how you feel. Just last night my girlfriend sat me down and said she couldn't handle this relationship any longer if I didn't stop being so sensitive. I mean, I don't have any issues, I just love her to bits. She said that I tell her "I love you" and "I miss you" too much. I always try to be as nice as possible. She gave out to me because when she was stressed and her little bro was annoying her, I told him to stop. She said she could take care of herself... I really don't know...maybe I AM too clingy, too soppy... but it hurts when she says it....

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Bad boys do have some appeal, however, I don't think that most women really want a TRULY bad person. The person has to be a pretty good guy underneath it all. The only reason I can think of that a woman would want a truly awful human being is that she herself has very low self-esteem. I tend to prefer nice guys myself, being as I'm a nice girl:)

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I think dysfunctional women don't like nice guys, or women who grew up in violent or arguing households. That's all they knew so they are drawn to guys who are not nice.

Sometimes a bad boy is a little turn on or can be when one is still learning about love and relationships. For some, it takes a long time to learn.

I think a woman gets turned on by how you are in bed, how confident you are, how open and attentive a man is in the bedroom, can he take charge at times and not at others. He could be a total nerd Geek with a pocket protector and thick dork glasses but if he's confident and loving in the bedroom, that's what a woman will like and prefer. Oh will they.

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I agree with the other answers. I have never known a "nice guy" who asked that question, who didn't have other issues (one of the most common that I have noticed being obsessiveness, which a healthy woman will pick up on at some level, conscious or not, and stay away from because obsessiveness usually leads to danger-- even or especially from "nice guys"). Actually, the question itself suggests a certain misconception. Why do "women" (very general) not like "nice guys" translates to "Why are women so stupid as to not notice what a great catch I am?" Any self-respecting woman is going to stay away from someone who has made such degrading blanket statements about women. Stop blaming your lack of a relationship on "women not liking nice guys" and start looking for what is wrong with YOU.

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When I'm with a guy who is very easy to please, I don't feel a need to take the relationship any further. I don't have an interest in getting dressed up because hes happy regardless, or even do little things for him.. Women want somebody they can look up to, someone they have to go out of their way to please. Its intriguing, its fun, it pushes us to be better. Challenge our ideas every once in awhile, you don't have to be mean, but if your so easy to get along with then a woman might feel that you're desperate, and that she can be easily replaced by any girl. If a woman can land a guy with high standards, its like winning the lottery. You're proud to be with the person you're with, you know you fought for them. And you know they must truly look up to you if "love" wasn't a word that was in their vocabulary before they met you, and now it is.

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I think that women do not prefer "nice guys" is because they think that if a guy is some type of bad boy that makes him a real man or that they can try to change him. To me, being a guy, I think that being a nice guy is the only way a real woman would really respect you. Some of the girls I've met before, they had a tendency to tell me that I was just too too nice for them. I really don't understand what the heck that is supposed to mean, but if I was to beat them up or kick them around maybe they would love me more. I think women sometimes don't know what they want, or that they have to many expectations of what they want a man to be to them. I prefer a woman that would respect me as being a nice guy, instead of some thug with a chip on my shoulder with something to prove. Nice guys may finish last, but they'll be the first one a woman calls when they're having problems with their bad boy significant other.

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Oh believe me, women looooooove nice guys. your problem is you may be attracted to the wrong women and when i say this i mean golddiggers, material girls, fools, etc. If a women doesn't like you for being a nice guy there is something wrong with her and you don't even want to end up in that situation!

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What I find interesting about a majority of these answers, is the general belief that men are the ones most commonly at fault for being "too nice." I for one, consider myself to be a very nice guy, who also is hardly a pushover. I think a big misconception of the "nice guy" argument, is the general ideology that men who are "boring" should learn to become more of a challenge or less predictable. I for one have been in many stable relationships where being "boring" was not considered a problem.

If a man, or woman, doesn't have the same characteristics they are looking for in a partner, is it fair to put the blame on the opposite sex? If you are looking for excitement and unpredictability, more than likely, your partner will be looking for the same traits in you. Nobody can sustain a serious relationship, that is always exciting or unpredictable. This can happen on occasion, but a majority of life is not exciting and unpredictable, which is why that notion is controversial in itself.

I'm not trying to be sexist, but in all fairness, relationships are built on trust and common interests. If you are male or female and are emotionally secure with who you are, you would not need a person to challenge you or bring all the excitement into your life. The notion that it is a man's job to be exciting, unpredictable, and fantastic in bed, at best is very shallow and egocentric.

I for one am not attracted to women who expect me to do all the leading in a relationship, or challenge them. I do agree that most healthy women do like a man who is decisive, emotionally attentive, and good humored. However, most people, who are stable and emotionally mature will not want a needy person, who is looking for someone else to change an aspect or shortcoming in their life. If what you are looking for is someone to "Make your life exciting," you may need a shrink, more than you do a boyfriend. Relationships are about sharing responsibilities. No healthy person, male or female, would stay with a person who is doing all the leading or work to maintain it.

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OK people, I may be completely wrong here and I may simply not have met the right girls but from my perspective being a nice guy is not gonna help anyone's chances of being in a fantastic relationship. Why, in my experience? I think a nice guy makes it too easy, and he may be too accepting. It seems that a relationship should feel like a struggle and without it...it might not seem worth holding on to or even getting in to. I've been on both ends a number of times and it rings true to me, though again I should mention that I have never really been in a relationship without some serious baggage being brought along by the other person.

gnight.

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It's all in the definition of "nice guy". I think most guys use that phrase to hide the fact that they're needy, looking for a mother, clingy, not confident, neurotic, confused, desperate and generally horrible at life! The 'nice guy' syndrome is usually about some guy trying to find a woman to save him from himself or his mundane existence! Who'd want that?

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Women love nice guys. But women also like a man with guts, and the ability to stand his ground when necessary. It's a protection thing. Women want to feel safe with a guy and know that he is not going to back down from a situation. Don't confuse this with a gangster. I'm just telling you like it is for some of these women who like bad boys. Bad Boys present themselves to be fearless and often times can back it up. Women like a fearless, sensitive man! Men these days seem to lack backbone. Men, quit your whining and be a man;you're not women. Let this marinate in your mind....

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Ehm, I'm not sure why we prefer bad boys, anyway I think bad boys are more interesting indeed. I know some guys who are really nice, but they are so nice that you feel as if they are your eldest brother or something like that, I mean who wants to date with her brother?...

nobody!

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they do, in the end. the nice guy always wins and we realise we have made a mistake liking the bad boys

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On that note...our company hired a man who was a body-builder last fall. He always bragged about how tough he was and how he broke other men in by-gone days. He's in his mid 40s, but even teenage girls would regularly sit at his table during breaks and lunch because, as you all pointed out, he obviously made them feel safe and secure. This wore thin over time after it became apparent how rude and verbally abusive this man really was. The men saw it first and rejected him as a friend. The women were intrigued and saw this as a strength. Then, he likewise became rude and verbally abusive with the women. Today, this man often eats alone as everybody has become wise to him. So women, be careful about being attracted to a man because you feel safe around him.

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Through painful experience I've found out that, quite simply, being nice is not enough. You need to have, or develop, many other good qualities/good habits to make the grade.

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I love nice guys.

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they are boring.

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Sometimes nice guys are very disciplined , At worst he's a terrific flirt so bad guys turns women on who are hot , they need someone to fight & get bad to bed later on ! They don't need to be jerks , that's not the issue !

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Take this from a girl's perspective...we do LIKE nice guys period. In fact, we prefer nice guys over bad boys. The only problem with most nice guys that I know are boring. Somehow it seems like the two traits are connected. However there are nice guys out there who aren't boring and those are the ones with girlfriends. So for guys who think that they lost a girl because they were too nice, well that's NOT the case. If you assumed that the reason was because you were too nice, then you're really not looking hard enough at the relationship and doesn't see what you really need to work on. Or if she told you that it's not working out because you're too nice, then she's lying to you to spare your feelings. In other words, if a guy is nice but also has a lot of other bad qualities, the niceness is not enough to hold the relationship together. And you would be wrong to blame the break up on the niceness. I know it's a defense mechanism and we all do it to spare our self esteem but if you want to avoid the same problem in the future, try to figure out if there are things in your personality that you need to work on. Remember there's a difference between being nice and being needy, make sure you're not the latter. And if she really does not like nice guy, then she's trouble and you probably don't want to date her anyway.

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C'mon. Women these days do not want nice men. Just be truthful about this and move on. The Bad Boy mentality is here to stay because that is what women want. Forget marriage...stop telling men that is what you want. A Bad Boy will not marry you so drop that whole marriage thing all together. If you love to just have sex than be true to yourselves and say that. I think more people would respect that. At least we all would know where everyone stands. Those poor and "needy" nice guys would not be so confused anymore on what women want.

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To the women who responded to this Question, Look, I may be only nineteen but please think about my words. Not all of us nice guys are boring, spine-less, or desperate. I lead a very satisfying life. I am a registered Maine White Water guide, an avid hiker, and musician to give you my background.

My biggest problem with the whole relationship scene is that I am too shy. Which then turns to me being overly nice and repeats in a cycle. And what I am having a hard time contemplating is that it's such a bad thing to be respectful and nice to women. One person made a comment about how nice guys are not "confident, and need a mother, etc." I have a bone to pick with you. First off, I am not confident. That's true. But only because of overbearing, ignorant women like you. It's women like you who generalize us and don't give us a chance. And I don't need a second mom, I have one already. I'm a big boy and I can handle my own problems like a man. I will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. Sorry to sound like a jerk but you need to be more open-minded about those who are different. Whether it be appearance, personality, etc. You don't have to like it, but know were all different and we are not all going to be the same as the rest.

I know I have made some stupid mistakes in past relationships, but I accept that. I have been in some bad relationships too. And being nice is just the automatic reaction I have developed from my experiences. Who knows it could really be that I'm screwed up or have given up. Honestly now, I don't really know.

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OK! Check Dis! a nice guy asked me out a year ago when i broke up with his friend (Almost like his brother) but i said no!! not because he was my exes friend but because the guy was toooooooooo nice! i mean think bout it if the guy always cooks, cleans, irons, washes clothes and even massages his mama would you expect a girl to date him. I mean he even asked me to be his wife but i refused because he is a mamas boy! You know he does what ever his mama says! that's really sweet but not a girls type of man. I know he ain't gay but he just loves his mom unconditionally and he is an obedient kid but he wont get no girl that way. He doesn't talk to girls and he is 20 yrs old LOL! As a matter of fact am the only girl he talks to that's why he fell in love with me. The guy got to know me through my ex bf. n e way now i think you realise the flaws you guys have. We don't want you to be perfect but we also don't want you to be a type of person who ain't just normal.

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WOMEN LOVE GUYS!Whether they are bad, nice, short, tall, fat, skinny, muscular etc..WE LOVE THEM ALL!!It changes from person to person..

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Some women do buy into the whole "bad boy" dating experience. Basically those kind of guys provide short term excitement but turn out to be selfish, arrogant and only concerned about their own needs. (But there are men who want "bad girls" as well for the same silly reasons). And there are the clingy, doormat or harasser types that call themselves "nice" but aren't at all. It's easier to blame problems on being too nice/too good looking/too intimidating instead of looking at the way you treat people.

Genuine good guys treat people the way they'd want to be treated. Some of these guys tend to be more introverted and less aggressive with women than the Mr. Showoffs so they may get overlooked initially, especially by females who wouldn't dream of making the first move and asking a guy out. But these are the guys that are worth the trouble of dating, and often end up being taken by women who appreciate them.

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This should not be a general question. Different woman have different types. So this question is not about 'nice' guys or 'bad' boys but about attraction. If there is attraction and chemistry between two people than 'nice' or 'bad' will not matter. Acting as a 'nice' guy or a 'bad' boy will not get you women. As a matter of fact it won't get you anything. Being yourself however, will get you the person your looking for...

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Wow! As a guy, I used to laugh every time I heard one of my female friends ask "Why can't I find a nice guy?". My response was always, "That's proof that you've never had one, and if you did you'd get rid of him." I think the real problem is that men and women have a different meaning of what nice is. Some may view nice as boring, or safe, or needy, or whatever. The thing is that those are all right, because it is subjective. What one person things is boring another may think is exciting. What men and women both need to keep in mind is trust and respect. Whether they are a 'bad boy' or 'nice guy' if they aren't trustworthy or respectful, then they are losers...period. I have the same issue. I cannot seem to find a nice girl. I always seem to attract the crazy ones that want a responsible, or successful man. Someone to take care of them. Well, to you I say if you cannot take care of yourself, I am not interested. I am nice, but come on I am not a meal ticket. People should focus on finding that half of themselves that compliments them, and shares in your success and failures. The real trick is to figure out how to keep her interested after you let her know you care.

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I've liked plenty of nice guys and so have my friends but everyone has their own 'taste' also some women, yes, do go for the bad boy, some, not all.

the problem is not that they are nice, its that usually they are also somewhat shy and not confident, that is the problem I've seen time and time again, not just with me either, friends too.

this means usually they don't ask the girl out, don't try to kiss her , and then i hear them complain how they always end up in the friends zone.
they end up in the friends zone because they were acting like friends, not a guy that likes the girl.

sometimes the guy is so 'nice'-shy and not confident- the girl has no idea he even thought about her never mind anything else
and the more confident guy gets the girl because he at least tired to show her he liked her and there are plenty nice and confident guys too so you dont need to become a 'bad boy' to be confident, thats just something you have to learn and start to believe but stay yourself in the process.

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I am a woman you know nice guys scare us to death we are not use to it . give it up when was the last time you seen a guy treat a woman with repect oops did i say that ... think about it when was the last time you opened a door maybe brought flowers you wanted something in return that is what we think or maybe you done something wrong i have to admite it i have seen many men do the samething over and over again it get's old ..... maybe why we just give up and go to bad boys persay it because you men can not open up and speak your minds ... you treat us with repect it will be returned and more than likly more than you wanted it's diffent for us we have what you want and maybe if you open up and speak your mind we would know what you want but if both of us do not talk we are all screwed am i right

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It all depends on everything like culture and interests. Generally there is a lot of misconception about what is a nice guy. Definitely in Japan, for example, nice guys are viewed more favourabley instead because a nice guy will respect wife's parents and will be more emotionally stable. In the western world though, women have expectations of adventure and generally have a carefree attitude, which is reflected in there choices of date. It is these factors, and obviously the girls state of mind, which makes her attracted to one male.

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Okay, here is my spin on the issue. For some reason I agree that girls don't seem to want to date nice people?? I'm a girl and I think I would like that. But my girlfriends (yes, I'm a lesbian), things just don't work out?? I haven't done anything 'wrong', don't have any drama or mental issues. I'm chivalrous (sp) and pretty much do whatever they want. Not because I'm totally sacrificing myself, but because I want to do the same thing anyway. My girlfriend wants to go to a race, that's fine, I wake up at 4:30am, drive there, sometimes I participate, sometimes I'm just support crew, but I like doing it.And I like being there for her. Anyway, bla bla bla, I'm way nice, give whatever I can, but she doesn't seem to give a darn. I am pretty sensitive and I get my feelings hurt, and I like to talk about it. Regardless of the fact that I'm a girl, that's not my excuse. I am just sensitive. And nice. And giving. Any I think that i bore my girlfriends by being too nice?? So I'm single again. So that leads me to believe that girls don't like 'nice guys' or 'nice girls'... that's my answer.

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Because these girls/women are not nice themselves so nice is something foreign to them and many people don't like that which is not familliar to them.

THERE IS NO SECRET RE NICE VS BAD GUYS:

Simply put young women in their teens to even early 20's are impressionable and immature and some prefer the more dangerous type that she feels she is capable of loving or the 'brooding, troubled young man' that she can help overcome his short comings. Both female/male teens can either be shy and quiet, to wild and carefree depending on the individual.

Many moons ago I dated a lifeguard and I got the shock of my life (it also embarrassed me) when he would flex his muscles on the beach and picked up heavy containers or do 'the stance' with veins and muscles bulging out. At first (being a teen) I thought he was quite the catch, but he was so into his own body and himself I grew bored of him very quickly. Then I dated a male model and one night sitting in a club he had the audacity to say, 'I should think you feel quite lucky being seen with someone such as myself.' I was extremely shocked as I was also considered attractive and told so, but I never let it go to my head and I was so angry I blurted back, 'Oh, sorry, I thought it was you that was lucky enough to be seen with me. My mistake, so I'll leave now and you can sit here all alone and love yourself up until the club closes!' I never dated him again.

I considered some of the above dates a learning curve and I got the message to start looking at the personalities of the different guys (plain, semi handsome to handsome) I met and that they didn't have to be drop dead gorgeous just to impress me and I didn't really care whether my friends thoughts he was handsome or not. I dated some wonderful 'nice guys' and even dated them for a very long while until I eventually married one and we've been married 36 years and I'm sure not bored of him! Our life is exciting and we both keep an air of mystery about us. We joke, laugh, make fun of each other in a good way and yet can be serious, loving and I must say I love to be told by him how attracted he is to me and how nice I look and we still have that spark for each other. Neither one of us has cheated once nor do we want too.

The young gals don't get it! What is wrong with a guy having a cry or two over something (it's healthy and it's a myth that men shouldn't cry) and to communicate their feelings. This does not make them weak, boring or a wimp! On relationships topics on this board I answer one question after the other about broken relationships or what is her boyfriend thinking, so gals, you can't have it all. Either the guy expresses himself and it's normal to communicate or you can guess and feel insecure throughout your relationship. For the gal who said she was sick of hearing 'I love you' you don't even know how lucky you are! There are thousands of people that would love to hear those words from their mate even if it is several times a day. Some young women will spend hours in front of the mirror and obsess over the silliest things, but what they don't know about most guys is, they don't care if your hair is a little messy; you may have put on a couple of pounds or your nails are painted pink. They don't care! My husband told me that the very first time he realized he loved me was when he came over to visit me in my apartment which I was painting at the time. I had paint on my face, in my hair, a sloppy sweat top on and jeans. When I looked up and he saw that he said he melted and he found that more attractive than if I had been dressed to the nines.

Nice guys don't finish last! The bad boy imagine gets boring!

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Women do like nice guys, i like nice guys too. BUT.. we also like to have a sense of security and some women dont seem to have that a lot with nice boys. Nice boys usually end up calm and shy or just laid back. They wouldnt really have the balls to do anything if a guy walks by and grabs your ass, am i right? But one of those badboys will go right after them and we women love to be protected and we feel more cared for and loved. In the end, it is also true that the nice guys do win because the badboys end up having too much confidence that they just cheat on you or something like that. They never get boring though and they keep you on your toes. What i personally like about badboys is that chance i get to change them. Thats when you really know you love someone and they love you..if they can change for you. They can still be a badboy but have all the nice boy images once your done with them and at the same time they end up changing for you.

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